I was on a plane flying somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean when I had a minor breakdown. I’ve never had flight anxiety, but at that moment I wanted off of that plane, and I wanted to go straight back home, to Bloomington, where life was predictable. I was traveling with a number of close friends en route to Bangalore, India, where I would spend the next 3 months studying Social Justice, Peace, and Development. For months, I was so excited to go start a new adventure! But when the time actually came, I wasn’t so sure. In the Minneapolis airport, I said goodbye to a serious relationship, I said goodbye to my Mom and Dad, and my sisters, one of which was going to start her first year at Gustavus, reminding me about all of the friends I left back in St. Peter. My mind was giving me a red light, and I was ready to hit the brakes. Why on earth had I left home?
A few "red lights" on the banks of the Ganges River were worth the fear of leaving home.
I got some insight into this question from Francis Moore Lappe, one of the speakers for the Nobel Conference in the fall of 2010. She spoke about fear. I picked up a book she wrote with her colleague Jeffery Perkins titled, You Have the Power: Choosing Courage in a Culture of Fear. She talked about the times when we stop in our tracks at the “red lights” in our lives. We’ve all experienced times where we feel the need to stop and re-evaluate. We often come to a screeching halt when entering the unknown. I experience it on campus all the time! I never really know if that paper is going to get done on time. Doing an audition, presenting in front of the class, or applying for a job, the prospect of failure can be a little scary. Heck, I experienced a few “red light” moments before leaving home for Gustavus.
I was feeling the same overwhelming sensation on the plane. India was about as far from familiar as possible—a fact both exciting and terrifying. Being in India meant new perspectives to learn, new people, new languages, new religious traditions, and new social codes. I was going to learn to eat with my hands, and not cheeseburgers, mind you. Life would be different in India, which is exactly why I wanted to go in the first place, though I felt unprepared. And, to be honest, I was right. I could never have been prepared for my life to be changed so profoundly. Meeting young bonded laborers in the hot sun of a cotton field can change a person. Observing Hindu ceremonies as the sun rises over the Ganges River is something I’ll never forget. Change isn’t always a bad thing; in fact the change in perspective has given me a whole new sense of purpose. Studying in India also meant a new understanding of myself, a new look at how my life affects others, and what it means to work toward true social justice for all people.
What’s great about “red lights” is that they force us to stop and think. It’s important for us to understand what we’re getting ourselves into: our excitements and our fears. Knowing why we are afraid or excited doesn’t always mean that we have to stop and turn around. Traffic lights don’t stay red, they pretty much always turn green! Sometimes we alter the course and other times we keep on. Whatever the case, we gain a greater sense of clarity and help us to go forward with more confidence.