Learning How To “No” Posted on April 24th, 2012 by

Gusties supporting the cause at the Good Food for All food pack this weekend with Feed My Starving Children

The phrase “you can sleep when you’re dead!” gets thrown around here a lot. Gusties are busy people, and often for good reason. There are so many amazing things for students to be a part of. There are causes to support, clubs from swing dancing to disc golf, ways to live out your passions and ways to discover new ones. But, I swear, one time every semester I wake up in the morning after too little sleep wondering how I will possibly satisfy all of my commitments. We can certainly question how healthy it is to keep so many spinning plates in the air at one time in what feels like a college juggling act (there’s a club for that too).

What it really comes down to is that I love to say “yes.” It’s no wonder. When people ask me to join the cause, I feel appreciated and welcome. I get addicted to the feeling of widening my circle of friends, but it’s not exactly sustainable. I can’t do everything! None of us can. It’s hard to know how to prioritize when “yes” feels so good and often holds exciting possibilities.

There is one particular example of this that still resonates with me. One afternoon in my first year, I sat on a comfortable couch in the company of my closest mentor at Gustavus – a senior student, and a major role model for me. They asked me if I would help them lead a project, one that would make a difference for many students on campus. I could taste the “yes!” hanging on my tongue.

But, as a first year, I had all kinds of opportunities and avenues to consider, as we all do at Gustavus. I was choosing when I would study abroad, a dream I had always wanted to pursue. I was faced with a time when both situations felt so “yes”, but doing both wasn’t possible. Work side by side with two people I deeply admired, or take a trip into wild unknown?

A few months ago, I was at the Dalton Institute for Higher Education at Florida State University. Thanks to the Servant Leadership Program, I had the pleasure of hearing from Jessica Jackley, the founder and President of Kiva.org, the world’s largest online micro-lending organization. Their mission is fantastic: everyday people using $25 loans to support entrepreneurs in developing countries. Every lender gets the opportunity to choose which person receives their loan, which makes the money more meaningful. One of the stories she told was about a potential donor whose goal was to make a $10 million donation, and wanted to give to Kiva.org. When Jackley began to ask questions, she quickly found that this donor was not interested in the mission of Kiva.org, that lenders do so with meaning. When she said “no” to a donation of $10 million, an amount that would change the life of the organization, she said “yes” to something more important. She said “yes” to the mission she had set out to achieve.

My heart was broken saying “no” to such close friends and such a great opportunity to build something with them, but saying “no” had its own opportunity. I’ll have you know, the decision changed my life. I went to India and returned with a new perspective on my life’s meaning; the result was a big “yes.” It was one of many times yet to come when I won’t be able to do it all. We all have our limits. Saying “no” isn’t a disappointment, but a practice that can keep us fresh for the opportunities we already have to grow and learn. Now, if only there was a Time Management club on campus…

 

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